31 Aug Relationships die to bring love alive.
Relationships die to bring love alive.
I have learnt to celebrate death of relationships. Every time a relationship dies the post-mortem report reveals the cause of death as asphyxiation. Asphyxiated, or what we commonly call as, choked by the structures, meanings, definitions and rituals that got dumped on the relationship. You or me may not have done it deliberately yet we cannot absolve ourselves from being responsible for the death.
After a brief mourning, some guilt trip and a short bout of self-pity, from behind the clouds of remorse, I see rays of hope shine. Hope of re-creating a bond of relatedness with the same person. After all, it’s the relationship that died, not Love on which it was founded. And with the death of this relationship the immortal, immutable Love has come alive. Bringing with it the hope of building a living, breathing eternal bond of relatedness.
I am willing to release my past. And with it I am willing to release my need to be needed, to make you happy at any cost, even if it means feeling taken for granted by you. This way I would have made you look up to me as a source of happiness and come to me whenever you needed it, only for me to do whatever it takes to make you feel happy and make me feel needed.
I am now willing to also release my need to be understood and valued, my need to play “poor me” and helpless and my need to be gullible and feel unfortunate.
I am grateful to you and many others who have come close to me in the name of love, ending up looking and behaving alike. I am grateful to all those who have come close to me and very mysteriously behaved almost identically in relationships with me. I am grateful to them for, in the ways they have come across, they have actually held a mirror for me to see some of my chronic patterns (obviously driven by the needs that I am now willing to release) that not only limited my growth and freedom but also locked them in some kind of a toxic dependency.
I am now ready to renew my bonds of relatedness with you. A bond that will allow enough space for us to make choices and be responsible for the outcomes, as individuals. A bond that will trust and respect our individual abilities and wisdom to be or not to be self-respecting, sensitive, spontaneous, committed and authentic. If you choose to be unhappy, I shall uphold your choice with the same love with which I shall also uphold your choice to be happy. If I choose to feel taken for granted, I shall uphold my choice as my choice and will not make you responsible for it.
It’s the same you, the same me, the same space, the same chores being done together and yet I know you are finding me and my behavior kind of strange. If I seem to be aloof, I have stepped back with contentment to create more space us to play. If I seem to be cold, I am actually being compassionate for you to look, listen and live more consciously. If I seem abrupt, I am responding; if I seem intense, I am baring myself. I am holding you in an embrace that is strong enough for you and me to feel the warmth of togetherness and loose enough of us to breathe. I am suddenly seeing, besides you and me, another complete entity surfacing. Us. A sublime, joyful entity made of Love and relatedness. An entity that was never born and shall never die. Free to grow and evolve, as time flies.
“Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways – conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment.
That is not who they are, but that is who they appear to be. When you pronounce judgment upon someone, you confuse those conditioned mind patterns with who they are. To do that is in itself a deeply conditioned and unconscious pattern. You give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself.”
~ Eckhart Tolle in Stillness Speaks
This blog is dedicated to you … the ones who have come close and related to me, in some way or the other.
This is also dedicated to you … the ones who are finding themselves stuck in relationships – neither being able to come out not take it forward. As a Transformational Coach and practitioner of Conscious Healing, I shall be glad to accompany you in your struggle and enable you to heal your lives and relationships. Please feel free to write to firstname.lastname@example.org if you feel like reaching out to me.